Posted by
Laura L. Hollis, JD on Friday, April 03, 2009 7:41:00 PM
Here's
an article by Judith Warner in the New York Times, entitled, "Ban the breast pump." What's it about? Another article by a woman whining about how some people can't or don't want to do what "everybody" says you should do: give your baby as much breastmilk as possible in the first 6 - 12 months of life.
An excerpt:
Now, let me just be clear: I am no enemy of breast-feeding. I nursed both my daughters and would not take back that experience for all the world. But I did not breast-feed them exclusively. I had a mother who breast-fed in the mid-’60s despite the disgust of friends and family, and who insisted that my happiness depended on giving them one bottle of formula a day. I was in France, where their doctor started adding fruits and vegetables to their diet at about three or four months. And where it was easy, after a few miserable weeks, to give up on pumping milk, if only because it made me feel like a cow.
Is it at long last possible – on this side of the Atlantic – to suggest that we’ve maybe taken “breast is best” a bit too far? That a mother’s need for some semblance of physical dignity is perhaps a right worth respecting? That supplementing with formula – if it makes for greater happiness (and emotional availability) in the baby’s most important caretaker – isn’t necessarily an act of gross irresponsibility?
Why all the "to do" about breastfeeding? Some of us are old enough to remember (or remember our mothers talking about) a time when women were discouraged by doctors and others from breastfeeding; it was viewed as "primitive," barbaric; formula was so much more "modern" - forget the glass bottles, sterilization, nipples, caps, bags, powders, cans, and all the burdensome and inconvenient rigamarole that went with it.
In the late 60s and early 70s women rebelled against this diktat from a predominantly male medical establishment. Remember that? They rebelled against "evil" baby formula companies that were "just out to make a buck." Remember that? They rebelled against being made to feel ashamed for using their bodies as nature intended. Remember that part? What about the part where a woman's breast milk has antibodies, that the process of nursing helps uterine contractions, blah blah blah blah. Take back your bodies, take back your babies, take back your breasts!
Doesn't anyone remember any of this?
Why am I mentioning it? Not because I am a slavish adherent of breastfeeding. I did it, loved it, and yes, pumped for a few weeks or months for my babies after they stopped nursing because I was determined to give them at least some breastmilk for 12 months. They were also having formula. They were on solid foods. They had lost interest in nursing, per se. I didn't care. I did it for the same reason that moms everywhere say "eat your brussels sprouts," even though they know it's probably futile, but it would be good for them if they'd just choke a few down!
I didn't breastfeed because everyone else was, or because I worried what other women would think if I didn't, or because I thought less of women who couldn't, or didn't. (I had friends who couldn't, friends who hated it, already large-breasted friends who could not abide what they turned into. Who cares????)
My point in bringing up the whole "breast is best" schtick of the 1970s and beyond is that it was women who drove that bus. It was part of the whole "women's lib" thing. And now that it is mainstream, establishment, expected - in other words, now that women have gotten what they wanted, what are they doing? They are whining again, about how they feel "pressured to conform." Why, oh why must everything be so hard? Why do we "have" to do this, and "have" to do that?
Want some advice? Stop caring what other people think, and live your life.
Women drive me crazy, because they whine and pi$$ and moan about how awful everything is, and then as soon as they get whatever it is they want, they whine and pi$$ and moan about how "tough" it is. And when you look at what it is women are complaining about it, a RIDICULOUS amount of the time, it is the opinions of other women. "What will they think if I get my boobs done?" "What will they think if I gain weight?" "Am I too thin?" "What will they think if I work out of the home?" "What will they think if I stay home?"
And finally, women drive me crazy because since they cannot make a single G.D. decision without getting everyone else's approval, their next impulse is to demand a law or some situation that, if not mandating approval, simply takes the source of the discomfort away. I know "Ban the breast pump" is tongue-in-cheek, but a lot of the calls for "there oughta be a law" are not. People are going to have opinions. Suck it up. (Uh, if you'll forgive the pun.)
I will say, most of the comments were sensible. Here was one that echoed my own feelings:
Mothers try this. Grow up. People will always judge you for you [sic]
parenting style. You’re too indulgent. You’re too harsh. If a mother doesn’t want to breastfeed, then don’t. If a mother wants to breastfeed do. There are plenty of things that you’ll do along the way that will mess us [sic]
your kids much more than giving your baby a bottle.
So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all women aren't neurotic. Maybe it's just liberal women writers.